My Unhappy Life @ Commando BMT...

I know, serving the army for 2 years (1yr 10mths for me) is really a complete waste of time. I'm pretty sure that was what went through every lost bloke's mind in Singapore.




I remembered being posted to the commando BMT on 8th July 2005.. To tell you the truth, i wasn't REALLY sad and worried about it. I was more curious to know what it would be like to be living, eating, bathing with 30 botaks... I wondered if there were gonna be conflicts and fights and politics. In my mind, i was thinking. "Wah kao! Need to be in the Army already very sian..

STILL LET ME GO COMMANDO BMT! AI WA SI AR!"


During the stay at commando BMT, i got my infamous nickname no thanks to this Sgt. Richie. Damn did he make me "popular"! He said after i shaved my head, i look like.............................
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Whahahaha!!!!!

I mean it was actually hilarious cos after i cut botak, i realized i do look like one!!
I mean, the HEAD, and the eyes.
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Look like meh? Whahaha!!!!

Being in the commando BMT is NOT a bed of roses, more like a bed of thorns. Their training was extremely tough, dog-tiring and heavily-packed. People were so on the ball and "garang" and had better physique. I don't feel like one of them at all.

"At times, i felt like i'm standing there alone, if ya know what i mean."

And I understand that if you have a buddy to share the tough times with you it would feel better. Yes, i did have a buddy.
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BUT I HATED HIM!!!

You can really get to know a person so well just by being his buddy in the army. He was quiet, ignorant, selfish and likes to put people down too. He was NEVER caring nor supportive, especially during harsh times when help was greatly appreciated. He was just not there. "You're never there...." I still remember one time he couldn't find his SAR21 rifle, and he got me punished too cos i'm his "buddy"!

WAH SAY NEVER THERE FOR ME STILL SABO ME!Basket.

Thinking that i'm only talking my side of the story? You could ask the rest of the commando mates on how was he like and the way he treated his "buddy".

"Nicholas, you have made my stay in the commando BMT an unpleasant one.
But still, i wish you the best.... NAH, i'm just saying that!"

Having said that, i do have a few good friends there, those who's worth keeping as friends, people like Jeremiah, Kian Boon, Gary, WenQiang(just to name THESE few!). Wish you guys all the best!! (I mean it.)

Sadistic Primary School Teachers!!

I don't know about the primary school teachers nowadays but during my time, most of them were like a bunch of abusive, mentally unsound sadists! Let me take you to a trip down the horror lane on my primary school days... The things we did that got us punished... or abused... First, i'm gonna name out the "memorable" teachers on my list.. feelin' kinda like KILL BILL here...

1. MR LONG AH CHYE (Mathematics)
Whenever he was teaching Mathematics in class i would feel very intimidated and frightened because after he finished teaching he'll ask questions (I always choose the back seat) and if you didn't answer correctly....

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HE WILL PULL THE FUCKING HELL OUT OF YOUR EARS WITH ALL HIS MIGHT!!!

I swore i could hear my bone crack.

The strength he used to pull the students' ears was so great, and the sound of his watch shaking while he pulled my ears still echoed... AND most important... HIS IDIOTIC SADISTIC LOOK WHILE PULLING MY EARS!

It's like "WHY DIDN'T YOU PAY ATTENTION IN CLASS? HUH?? YOU STUPID KID!! HUH?? YOU DESERVE IT!!"

KNN...

I guess he had a rather abusive relationship with his parents when he was young, so for that, i forgive him. I just pity his kids...

2. MDM GOH KENG HOON (English)
She was always wearing floral dresses with a pair of fucking geeky shades and one time, she cut her hair like Razor Ramon. She also likes to grind her teeth, you know the way old hags do... One time, we were reading a story in a textbook and i was in seating front of the class (fucking unfortunately) and she asked me to read out a certain passage which i forgot... it had got something to do with astronauts.. so i kept silent...

OLD HAG: "Yaoming, read the astronauts passage."

ME:"........................................................."

OLD HAG:"YAOMING!!! ASTRONAUTS!!! YAOMING!!!!"
(Her eyes opened so wide in astonishment or should i say amazement?! And she gave a stupid cynical smile.)

ME:"...........................................er............................."
(On the verge of tears)

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(SMACK!!!!)
She fucking slapped me lor.
Never mind..............

OLD HAG:"YAOMING!!! READ THE ASTRONAUT PASSAGE!!!"

ME:"Oh.... okay......... erm..............."
(Startling and already crying)

(SMACK!!!!)
There she goes... again...

Biatch.

3.MR LEE SOCK HENG(SCIENCE)
Well, i saved the "best" for last... this teacher is DAMNNNNN......... scary. I always felt like my pee's gonna flow out whenever he yelled at us. You know how your exercise books have folded pages when u have made alot of mistakes?? Well, one time, he actually stepped into our class during another teacher's lesson to return us the excercise books. He called out the names of those with alot of mistakes ONE by ONE....And ya know what he did.......

HE SMACKED OUR FACES WITH THE EXERCISE BOOKS!

One girl got lucky though, she wasn't smacked but, her book was just thrown out of the class and landed into a pond... Hmm...

Bad memories... its scary but funny.... don't you think?!

Female lawyers in their killer heels

A few days before I officially ORD, my good friend Jason rang me up and ask me if I wana work with him as a part-timer at the law firm, Drew & Napier. In my mind I was thinking I’m gonna be damn broke after I’m released from the army (Not that the army pays me a lot, HELL NO!), so I jumped at the chance! Furthermore, the job fits my criteria (!!!)… after gathering all the job details from Jason:

• Working hours 9am – 5.30pm (Reasonable.)


• Mondays – Fridays (Weekends free)


• Job scope very relax (Easy money, can “keng”)


• Female lawyers there are DAMNNNN…. Chio!!!

The job scope is actually very simple. Basically I just need to convert emails into PDF format, which is what I have been doing for the past 5 weeks!!! Working in the law firm as an admin clerk can be EXTREMELY BORING… I could just easily doze off while sitting up straight and still staring at the computer! Because this job doesn’t require any utilization of brain cells! (I mean which is good lah, cos I’m kinda dumb anyway.) However, overall the job is quite relax so its all good for me.

Furthermore, having Jason as my colleague makes it SO MUCH FUN to work at, maybe cos whenever we’re feeling bored, we just MSN each other to go for coffee and toilet breaks and also to bitch about those lawyers! (Trust me; he can make me laugh so hard in the toilet!) And!!! We always do the 4Ps together!

1. Pang jio (Pee)
2. Pang sai (Poop)
3. Pang pui (Fart)
4. Pang kang (Knock-off)

The lawyers there are all so tall and confident and HIGHLY ENGUISH EDUCATED! The males lawyers sound like they’re ABC and they talk with so much confidence and charisma… and not forgetting, they talk like LOUD SPEAKERS TOO! Their normal way of talking is as if they are picking an argument with whomever they talk to.

As for the female lawyers… I’ve gotta say I’m rather impressed with them. They have great sense of fashion, they ooze confidence when they speak and they’re all so tall and slim. I feel like I’m in a fashion show whenever I’m at the office!

Mess with me and i'll kick your ass!
And sue you somemore!

The Auntie @ Mc'Donalds

If i could still recall the incident it was during my secondary school days, 3 or 4...One day after school, me and my friends went to the McDonalds at Serangoon Circus for lunch. I wanted to order one Oreo McFlurry.


ME: “Auntie, one McFlurry.”

Auntie: “Ni yao ORAL haishi MM?”
(Do you want ORAL or MM?!!?)

ME: “……………………….”

ME: “Oreo…”

Auntie: “Huh!!?!?!”

ME: “OREO!!!”

Auntie: “Huh!!?!??”

I reckon she’s abit “chao he lang”(deaf).

ME: “ORAL ORAL!!!”

Auntie: “ Oh, okay okay.”

??!!???!!!??

I think what she meant was Oreo or M&Ms! But believe me from the way she said it at that moment was so fucking hilarious! Can u imagine what a laugh it would be if she said “Ni Yao ORAL haishi SM???”

IntoMyWorld : Ming's Space

Hi folks!

Welcome to my blog - A place (or "space") for me to kill time & boredom, with a little dash of humor.

Enjoy.

-Patrick